Lately, I have felt very humbled and inadequate in aspects of my own spirituality. I have found throughout my life that there are many times that I have felt close to the Spirit as well as other times when I feel it a struggle to feel spiritual companionship. I have been humbled to acknowledge that oftentimes in the recent past, it has taken a difficult trial or struggle for me to sincerely and diligently pursue that close spiritual relationship with my Father in Heaven. Not that I am
completely lacking in this area, but I do feel that I could strive so much more to build on that constant, vital closeness to the Spirit and my own spiritual attributes with which I am lacking.
Just recently, I learned that a very good friend of mine is facing liver failure and the slim chance of receiving a transplant. Encouragingly, it is a slowly-progressive disease so all of our hopes are high, but the very uncertainty of his situation as well as my own recent struggles readjusted my priorities and renewed my eternal perspective once again.
Although I admit I haven't been reading my scriptures as often as I should, I shared the following scripture with my friend because of the comfort that it has brought me in my own recent feelings of inadequacy and struggle. I will share it again with all of you, in hopes that it may bring comfort to someone else who is seeking it: A few nights ago I was reading the Book of Mormon, searching for answers and instruction and I came across some well-loved verses in Ether that have always given me encouragement in past times when I have felt discouraged and alone... I'm sure you are very familiar with the story of the brother of Jared (now known as Mahonri) as he was preparing for his long journey across the great deep, and he cried unto the Lord with his concern for the darkness. Ether 2:25 - a simple translation, but I have always liked to compare crossing the great deep to our journey here on earth, and the waves and winds to the difficulties and obstacles that we face throughout our life, and the great depths to the sorrow and discouragement felt during those times. The Lord asks him, "...what will ye that I should prepare for you that ye may have light when you are swallowed up in the depths of the sea? ...
The Lord never leaves us in the darkness; he prepares a light to brighten those times when we are tossed to and fro and swallowed up within an unseemingly escapable depth. This light may come in the obvious form of the brightness and hope of the gospel, an incredible, supportive friend, small treasured moments with our family, or the warmth of a loving and concerned spouse. As we seek out this light, I know we will find so much warmth and comfort that will outshine any darkest fear. The Lord knows what it is that we need most to help us hold on and keep our spirits bright during those dark times; He knows our hearts and he will help us to see the light that is all around us as he brings us back up from our greatest depths. I am finding this so much to be true as I have struggled to keep my own head above water at various times in my life, both recently as well as in the past.
Just remember, in those trying times when, like myself, you may be feeling all alone in the darkness, remember to hold on to the warmth all around you; hold on to the light of the gospel, the glow of your children's laughter dancing through the house; the spark in a loved one's eyes as they watch your care & compassion for your family, the warmth of your children's smiles as they look admiringly on your strength, for even they know I am sure the strength you have within. I know that as we continue to hold on, the Lord will carry us along and those glowing embers will soon grow and strengthen to be the burning fire of our testimony... And whenever you feel it getting harder to breathe like I do, remember to break out of your tight, protective dish for a moment and unstop a closed opening for one precious gulp of fresh air before the floods come drowning in all around you again. This journey may seem unbearably long and we may continually find our way to the surface only to be deeply buried once more, and at times it may only get worse before it gets better, but I know there is calm ahead and light all along the way...
